I have been seeing this guy at work who (this is bad, please don't think any less of me) said he was leaving his wife. HE pursued ME. I finally relented, because I REALLY like him, to the point I fell for him. Thing is, I had just been getting to a point in my life where I was starting to feel good about me and where I was. I have HUGE issues with self-esteem, and this guy knows it. I think of myself as a Plain Jane, the kind of woman that men are always friends with, the smart girl (except when it comes to love and men). The girl men call to ask for her friend's number. This guy wooed me, seriously. Tells me I am a beautiful woman, blah blah blah. Takes me out to lunch every Friday, gave me the most wonderful afternoon on my birthday (a picnic in a park, beautiful day...) Tells me he is in love with me. Anyway, the past couple of weeks he has changed his "timeline" for getting out several times over, and then this week he freaked out on me. My 2-year old fell down the stairs the other night, and I called him from the ER just to let him know that I might not be in work the next day, and why. I called his cell phone, talked to him for 5 seconds, that was it. Thing is, he's the person I would call and let know of anything like that. I just wanted to give him the heads up. Well, he FREAKED on me the next day, saying I scared the hell out of him, he was worried about my son, I had been crying and he didn't feel he could talk to me, and he got the 3rd degree when he got off the phone...BLAH BLAH BLAH. Thing is, earlier that day, we had the "conversation" again, he said he is "working towards doing what he said he was going to do" (he is getting things ready so he can leave and not be financially screwed), then he comes out and says he is not leaving her in the forseeable future. Exact words. It went from, "Let me get past graduation in May", to "I'll be out of there in June", to "I don't want to get screwed on taxes, so it might not be until July or August," to "Give me a year". Oh YEAH. What the hell am I supposed to do with THAT?? WTF???? Yeah, let me hang around for your FUCKING SCRAPS for a whole FUCKING YEAR, just so you can change your fucking mind because you like your lifestyle, and your "THINGS" are more important than I am, and you would rather be in a passionless, sexless, loveless marriage and still have your STUFF. (convertibles, motorcycles, cabin, snowmobiles, great big house, etc.) WHATEVER. Guess what I view as importnat VASTLY DIFFERS. He started on me again yesterday, and that's when I decided that this is never-ending, I deserve a HELL of a lot better after everything I've been through, and I am DONE with this crap. Good God, men SUCK. I really wish he just left me the FUCK ALONE. I didn't want this, didn't ask for it, was doing FINE!!
But, I know God loves me, because I was ignoring very obvious red flags, so He gave me one I couldn't ignore and shoved it down my gullet!!! I was compromising my values, principles, morals (no, I didn't sleep with him), ethics, and self. I was betraying ME, about to embark on something I feel is truly wrong, down to my very core. God saw that, and put a stop to it. I can't even believe I was entertaining it. Thank you, God!!!
NO MORE.
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