He Sucks

But it is okay.

Seriously, whether or not the judge sees it, or whether or not she sees him for what he is, well, that's out of my control. I really do have to put my faith in God that what He wants to happen will happen, and I have to have faith in His plan. There are so many times in my life when I questioned Him, why He wasn't there for me (or so I thought), or why He was putting me through something. I'm done thinking that way.

Don't get me wrong -- it doesn't mean I'm not going to try and play my cards right, because I am. And I'm not playing doormat to E. anymore. I'm no longer afraid of him; he rather repulses me with his overblown sense of self that swims among his private sea of insecurities, all the while clinging to the lifeboat of justification. His avoidance of responsibility and complete incapability to communicate frustrate me, especially since he walks around portraying himself as a "spiritual Christian." He is the worst thing I could imagine being: a hypocrite.

Have I gotten screwed in the past? Yes. Will I again? Who knows? Maybe. But in who's definition? Maybe financially or in the eyes of the law, I might be screwed. But you know what? I have two beautiful children that I get to raise pretty much BY MYSELF without his poisonous touch even grazing their cheeks on a daily basis. That means that I will ulitmately influence what type of people these children will grow to be. And I will make sure that they are caring, loving, tolerant, understanding, generous, responsible, compassionate people -- in other words, nothing like their biological father.

So in the end, where divorce is concerned, I really don't think anyone "wins". But I think that my situation comes pretty damn close.